short. and crisp.

in office after lunch *yawnz* have 3 days to finish up my project. then have to struggle with a report submission due mid nex month. aarrggh. i dun want to be working. *sleeep* .. sighz. here to waste some time before i'm back at the project - which by the way reeaally reeaallly needs to be finished .. yawn again ... i better go get some coffee .. blogging not helping ~

p/s this is a prelude to the frequent disappearing act which i'll be engaged in, until the completion of my report. at least, that's the plan ;)

What personality disorder I am ?

haha! you bet i agree with this one ;)

You May Be a Bit Borderline ...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame! When you're up, you're a little bit crazy... And when you're down, your whole world is crashing Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

What Personality Disorder Are You?

*guilty*

hehe.. ya been rather disloyal lately - 4 posts in 2 days, all on LJ. not fair, eh? so back to dear ol' blogger. this whole read-other-ppl's blog's totally gotten to me. have been just reading a lot of stuff on the net in office. methinks i'm really bored of this stuff. need some sort of a good break. a trip was in the offing but with a lot of work on hand, cannot afford that now. *sigh*. have this crucial meeting coming up.(crossed fingers!) .. it HAS to go off well! pls pls plssss ~ will write more soon ..

Monday morning .. not so blue !

surprised by the title, arent ya? well well, this was a good weekend after a long time *touch wood* no issues of anxiety, no irritating elements ... saturday was spent sleeping mostly .. met up with a buncha frenz when i went down to the cafeteria for lunch (at 5 smth in the evening =P) .. twas good fun cos Kay was there, he's always a sweet heart .. some of the others were there, misty was there for s'time .. and ofcourse, dahling Joe was there .. though after i came back, i came back with a heavy-ish heart, feeling like nothing's ever going to happen, so i might as well stop living in this dream world ~ came back and blogged on LJ (yes, that bug's bitten moi baaaad!) .. then wasted a LOT of time watching reruns of sitcoms, that's become my favorite pastime for the weekend these days ;-) soon after midnight started my chat session with roomie .. oh how much we yack .. i feel terrible s'times, cos she's got exams on and stuff and i had sworn off doing anything to distract her! and now im such a blabber mouth .. and she too joins in happily, and before we know it, its late into the night, almost early next morning! ouch!

sunday was good as well, sleeping late, a relaxed lunch and back to doing nothing :-) ordered take out food and chilled out with a movie, which was supposed to be dreadfully depressing but i wasnt all weepy and teary eyed by the end of it, either i'm just plain heartless, or the movie wasnt all so tragic .. hmmm .. was a friend's birthday gathering in the night, so went down to meet 'em all again .. this time was more fun than the previous one .. Joe was a darling .. (so will i go with him? ) .. kiddin' .. he was sending out all these signals again .. or am i just misinterpreting it all? i don't get it .. cos smtimes there's so much said even though we dont say anything .. but then again am i misreading the silence? oh joe.. pls tell me ... the wait's been too long ... tis killing me! but i came back a happier person .. for once nt feeling miserable about waking up to another monday morning .. though aint really working, happily bloggin' away ;-)

Seduction style ;-)

Hahahahaha! unbelievable .. Rotfl!

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

A Fig Tree, really?

You Are A Fig Tree

You are very independent and strong minded. A hard worker when you want to be, you play hard too. You are honest and loyal. You hate contradiction or arguments. You love life, and you live for your friends, children, and animals. A great sense of humor, artistic talent, and intelligence are all gifts you possess.

What is Your Celtic Horoscope?

Rediscovering LiveJournal!

Writing about this on my blogspot post is probably not the most intelligent thing to do. admitted. hehe. what what the heck ;-) inspired by a friend's well maintained blog on LJ, i had made an account long back. but with my rather irregular blogging habits back then, i just couldnt be bothered to update it. even now, i have accounts on blogdrive. msn spaces, spoke and may be a couple of others on blogger itself, but never got down to updating any of those except this one. this one is really the only blog which i have stuck with for 8 months now( wow.. i got through 8 months of this crapping! amazing!) ..

today i had some time to kill and revisited my livejournal page. and seeing it look so pathetic and badly maintained, i took it on myself to work on it a l'il. with my new found experience with HTML thanks to my internship project, managed to salvage it a bit. now doesnt look so shabby. though by the end of the revamping session, i found myself in love with LJ. i forgot it lets you have moods, smileys, music and all those nice things :-) and private blog entries! wow. LJ rocks really. *though i've decided i'm gonna be loyal to blogger, and continue this blog* now i've told myself i'm going to be updating my "livejournal" regularly ... may be keep this my anonimous blog, where i can just pour out everything i feel with no 2nd thoughts .. LJ could be my more public, allow "friends to read" zone .. may be discuss more relevant issues there .. less whining, more sane stuff .. what say?

though, karizma finds this her best place to vent out frustrations and bitch about life .. best way to release all the pent up pressure and let go, in a sense .. the anonimity of it all is what makes it so easy .. i'm going to be quite shattered the day someone traces me from here .. karizma will be quite broken, though a true friend would be kind enough to let me know when this game of anonimity will be over :-) s'times i feel may be i ought to be a little more discreet about what i rite, but hell, this is MY blog and i can write whatever i want to in here, cant i?

The Relationship Guru

my friday evening finally went past sipping coffee and taking random silly quizzes and posting them on my blog. twas midnight when I went down to join my friends for supper. supper at the local coffee shop, which is probably the only place around here open at that time. also, the coffee shop guy serves yummy local delights at that time of the day, and it's a great place to just sit around and talk. no fancy, posh set up. just some tables and chairs strewn around. quite the perfect place for casual chats, some spicy gossip and just catching up on old times. so, last night. i was down there with (yes, ofcourse) misty, PoP(Prince of Persia, lol) and another good good friend of mine, lets call him the Relationship Guru (RG) for today's post (you'll know why, honey) ... oh we had such a good time. we're a "gang" of friends who seldom hang out .. we talk on IM and chat up when we "bump" into each other on the train but seldom make a special effort to meet and yap. yesterday was one of those once in a semester chat sessions. and boy! what a ball i had =)

we spoke on all the latest developments on campus, all the gossip, who's-seeing-who-details ;-) .. detailed analysis of a lot of personalities around here .. it's amazing how mature and in control RG comes accross to be. i've called him RG, bcos of this very ability to think sanely when it comes to matters of the heart. a lot of his opinions, i strongly agree with. he has this different outlook on life, always looking to do something new, always looking for some fun, something different from the routine grind. besides, he has this way of convincing people to do things, this way of making them believe in what he thinks is good for them, and with that he's got a whole lot of people "confiding" in him ..

after the initial "oh hi, what's going on with you" standard convos, we shifted to all the fun parts .. discussing our takes on recent movies, music .. talking back about times we shared together when we first new each other .. taking that trip down memory lane .. and of course gossipping away about the new "relationships" around here .. ripping apart every "couple" here .. having known each other for over five years now, we all have very similar fears, aspirations, goals and have all pretty much, been thru the same kinda shit all along, which makes us relate to each other's stands .. it was a real fun time, just talking to these people, may be it was this kind of change i was waiting for .. a recharging experience .. spent all night just talking, got back into dorm early in the morning, peacefully crawled into bed for a good day's sleep (woke up only at 4pm!) .. but whew! so worth it .. and yay! i love fridays so i don't have to rush to sleep with an "oh no, its work time again tmr" feeling =) here's to a fantastic weekend .. cheerz ~

Dating Diversions!

Interesting ... !

Your dating profile: Funny - You laugh often. People never accuse you of lacking a sense of humor. You don't take yourself too seriously. Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life. Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance.

Your date match profile: Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart. Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Funny 2. Adventurous 3. Stylish 4. Liberal 5. Big-Hearted 6. Wealthy/Ambitious 7. Romantic 8. Outgoing 9. Intellectual 10. Practical

Top Ten Match Traits 1. Funny 2. Adventurous 3. Practical 4. Outgoing 5. Romantic 6. Big-Hearted 7. Sensual 8. Athletic 9. Intellectual 10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

Disney princess ~

Which Disney heroine are you? Find out @ star-girl.org!

What city am I?

Find out what city you are @ http://star-girl.org

My ice cream flavor - yumm ~

Find out which ice cream flavor you are @ http://star-girl.org

The SATC quiz

The Sex and the city quiz results ...

You scored 40% Carrie

Your answers peg you as a Carrie-type, much influenced by the Air Sign qualities associated with Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Like confident Carrie, a sex columnist, you're curious and perceptive, always seeking answers and never satisfied with the superficial. An Air Sign influence can lead to indecision and an avoidance of tough issues, like with Carrie and her on-again, off-again attachment to Mr. Big. Forward-thinking, incredibly intelligent and witty, you just exude quirky charm. You'd be utterly bored by someone who's just a pretty face or hot body -- though you don't mind looking and flirting! You're more turned on by an equally smart and funny mate, someone who challenges your mind and makes you laugh. You love to talk, so you need a good listener who's open to playful and eccentric ideas about love and lovemaking.

You scored 40% Charlotte

A romantic at heart, you chose the answers that demure Charlotte may have chosen. Strongly influenced by the intuitive, profound and sometimes naïve Water Signs -- Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces -- you're like a mother, a mystery and a poet all in one. Though on the surface you may seem innocent and all about seeking the good in people, beneath the surface, you hide secret yearnings for intimacy, for attachment and ideal love. You're seeking a knight in shining armor, a soul mate, someone who will complete you and tether you to the earth when you get carried away with your fantasies. You're super-sensitive, soaking up the moods of others; you emote freely, crying at commercials and sappy movies. You also provide a shoulder to cry on and open arms for hugs. Be careful that you're not so wide-eyed and trusting that you get taken in by some cunning wolf in sheep's clothing.

You scored 20% Miranda

You chose many of the same answers that Earth Sign-like Miranda, the cynical but pragmatic lawyer, might have chosen. Just like Miranda's had a tough time deciding whether to give in to the affections of Steve the Bartender, you don't give your heart up to just anyone. Miranda shies away from a relationship with Steve because he's 'just' a bartender, not something more conventionally ambitious or stable. Those with powerful Earth Sign qualities -- characteristics associated with Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn -- are cautious in love and seek stability and status over nearly anything else. Earth Signs provide a steady, realistic attitude and they can bring order out of chaos. A little-known Earth Sign fact: Incredibly sensual, you seethe beneath that smart, expensive business suit of yours, yearning for intimacy but hesitant to give up your material needs, your career ambitions or your responsibilities for a passionate moment that might not turn out the way you'd hope.

You scored 0% Samantha

You identify with Samantha's bold and liberated Fire Sign qualities, characteristics associated with the Signs of Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. You're strong, audacious and larger than life -- and you take what you want! Sometimes you can even be thoughtless and selfish, as you get so caught up in craving immediate gratification and excitement that you overlook someone's feelings. Your personal style likely reflects your desires: sleek, low-cut, revealing just a bit more than might be considered acceptable. Watch that you're not coming on too strong, though. You could scare potential suitors off with all your drama. If you seek so much attention, the more basic qualities of the Fire Signs could be burned right out of the picture. Show less skin or cleavage and more of your creativity, your vibrant leadership skills and courageous generosity!

No more coffee on working nights.

met up with a some friends over dinner and coffee last night after work. had a great time, and unrealisingly some mocha as well. and exactly what i'd feared happened - absolute sleeplessness(after all that talk about getting a good nite's sleep!). though, it was lovely chatting last night =) havent yacked like that in a long time. i'm gonna miss all that fun! though i was dreadfully late to work today. and generally feel guilty about skipping work for no "good" reason. Resolve - Coffee on working nights? never again! (yn)

nothing, really ! ~

weird how moody i've been lately. one moment life is perfect. next thing my whole world's falling apart. crazy. thats why sundays should go well. thats why you should get some good sleep. Momma says so. hehe. yeah, i usually consider myself "lucky" with respect to most things. this week, i shall be shallow and blame lady luck for things that have not worked out so well. i hope she's doing all this with a reward right ahead. at some point in time today, Shorty asked me if this initial "trauma" and confusion would in any way be an indication to what's in store for us, through the next year of the research project. i told him with a straight face - no way! just a stepping stone to success. let us be positive. yeah right?! i don't think even i got convinced by that. but then, he was taken aback my my +ve attitude. after the whole week where all he heard me do was sob. so he believes it's not going to be that bad. time i start believing in things i say. as a starter, let me listen to momma's advice and get that ever elusive good night's sleep. ciao!

Embarrassed.

eerrmmm. came back to read what i wrote yesterday. i'm a little ashamed of myself, for not holding my horses s'times. yikes. i feel so silly, looking back. i don't hate myself. of course, i don't! *sheepish grin* i logged into blogger determined to delete that post. but now, i think i'll just let it stay, as a reminder of how crazy i can be when i'm so angry. a reminder not to pout out so much self pity / self hatred. dint i despise ppl who are oh-so-self-involved? or who drowned themselves in self pity? what is going on with me?! yeesh. i guess everyone has their highs and lows. that muz have been a crazy low for me to go and write that. hmm. my reactions stun me s'times. too dramatic. too impulsive. scary, eh?

Murphy's Laws

found an interesting link on a friend's blog. the pessimist's lamest excuse for endless groaning and moaning. The Murphy's Law. with variants. check this out : http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-laws.html

p/s academic research programme has snowballed into a huge gamble now. phew!

p/p/s random observation ~ my posts always seem to have p/s and p/p/s notes these days ~

The Interpreter

It's good. go watch it. Nicole Kidman - what can i say, she's so classy ~ she acts so beautifully! Sean Penn - I love him (not quite the way I love Johny Depp) but love him, yeah! there have been many conspiracy - killing based movies. Also been movies about the African countries with genocide and what not. This movie was not so gory and disturbing as some others I have watched. There's no preaching *thank god* on the whole, nicely packaged. good to watch as you rewind after a confused day! *karizma smiles again*

p/s An interpreter at the United Nations General Assembly. Interesting career choice, wot say?

Coincidence, any takers?

wow. these things have a weird way of leaving me *jaw dropped*. hehe after that spout of anger and hate-myself-moods, happened to be sufring the net while i stumbled on this. my astro forecast for today read:

Sit down and count to 10 -- no, better make that 20. You're pretty darned angry about something, and it came upon you so suddenly that you're not sure what to do about it. Oh, and if you're in the same room with the person who managed to push those buttons -- say, if it's a coworker -- better put some distance between you two. One never knows what you might say or do right now.

phew. believe it? should have read it earlier, would have counted 20 mississippi's before i shot off at myself. anyway now madam misty says she aint in a mood to go camping or whatever-the-hell she wanted to do. so now she has the time to go watch a movie. methinks i'd have watched a movie anyway today - needed that time out and calm. planning to catch Sean Penn - Nicole Kidman movie, The interpreter. it had better be good ;)

p/s for those of you who thought i'd kill myself after the posting the previous entry, too bad. i'm still alive and kicking. heh.

p/p/s the gemini split personality thing seems to be so darn true for me. just this afternoon, i was sounding suicidal ( eerrrmmm extreme term. agreed =P) and now, look at me, smiley and happily blogging away

p/p/p/s for those of you who are bewildered by how crazy i am .. eerrmm .. *shrug* .. what can i say =P

I hate me!

yes. its official. i hate me. reasons:

1. for going all the way out to be nice to be people

2. for giving others so much importance in my life

3. for letting them rule my life

4. for letting never being able to judge who my true friends are

5. for letting these so called friends break my heart time and again

6. for not punishing those who hurt me

7. for getting carried away and believing so easily

8. for letting small things affect me

9. for actually thinking these people are worth my energy and time

10.for having such low self esteem (an I hate me blog? - think abt it!)

11.for getting depressed for no reason at all

12.for believing people like misty will come round (yes, she "inspired" me to write this!)

13.for letting go of friends i really loved

14.for judging myself and others ever so critically

15.for expecting others not to be selfish and self obsessed

16.for letting my ego take a beating everytime i'm compared to anyone, for anything

17.for believing in unconditional love

18.for never expressing what I truly feel s'times

19.for being letting 'em treat me like toilet paper and get away with it!

20.for such a complete push - over ~

yes, "push over" that's the word i was looking for. really mad right now. letting out the steam here is going to help, hopefully. and bloody hell, can misty stop ranting about gym? it is really really driving me mad. as i said earlier, if she wants to discuss weight troubles, i'm the absolute 100% wrong person. pls pls pls go away and whine to someone else. she has no idea how mad she's driving me these days. i need a break. need to recharge. and NOT see her for sometime. and really need to work on my self confidence. and definitely do sth about losing a coupla pounds before the vacation! *Karizma feels so totally frustrated*

p/s hah! and I said I cant hate. *confused soul* i need a shrink. no wait. i need to go home. i just wanna run away!

Green with "envy"

sheesh. i hate myself for feeling this way. but i am sooo J! i'm so envious of Joe. he just always gets his way. gets everything he wants (admitting he deserves most of it is another issue altogether!). but hell, you know i wanted this so bad. may be i wouldn't feel this way if i had gotten mine before. dammit. the same thing happened with this internship as well - though, now in retrospect, i'm quite happy with what i got, and may be i wouldn't be able to handle the slogging (though it'd be so great to work with that team!). sigh! (they say everytime a woman sighs, she loses five years of her life, believe that?!) oh man! now i really hope i get my vote today as well, and things can settle. otherwise it is going to be more issues, more heart breaks and tears .. and i'm so done with crying. pls, let me get this one ..

at this very moment i feel like i'm a horrible person. i can't be happy for my friend who's just one more step closer to his dream. someone i believe i truly love. do i, really? if i cant even be glad for him?! worse still, i'm so full of envy now, i think no one would feel this way even about enemies, forget such good pals. oh, why am i like this s'times? can i not hate, pls? i always believe hate is just so extreme. i believe i cant hate. what is happening here? *karizma feels so lost*

Deep breathe. Calm.

yesterday was a day of decisions. after a lot of thinking back and forth, i have decided i will stick by my word. have agreed to the choices suggested by PP. there's a sense of relief within me as i type this. i just hope that now, the selection board doesnt decide to vote against us. pls! meanwhile had a couple of others approaching me to work together, but as i said, i had decided i'd stick with PP so there you go =) turns out Aze has been eyeing almost all our top choices as well. knowing his standing, i'm sure anyone would vote for him. i would not be upset if he got something i wanted, but hasn't he already gotten ahead so many times now? and i have been happy for him each time. so this one time, can i see a ray of hope, just once, please? (yn)

Last one, I swear! =p

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability.You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea.Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion.You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone.If you don'don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

What Planet Are You From?

hmm.. interesting revelation this one!

Famous work of art now ;-)

You Are Best Described By...

Landscape With Butterflies By Salvador Dali

What Famous Work of Art Are You?

Emotional Quotient Test

Your EQ is

133 50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Hmmm interesting .. with this weekend's state of mind, this quiz seems to be bull shit .. but on a normal day, yupz .. there's a connection, don't you think?

Coach Carter

my idea of going to catch a movie is seldom to watch something truly out of the world, i'm well over satisfied watching random chick flicks and romantic comedies, as long as its one of those feel good movies, i can gladly come out smiling from the movie. i am not fan for horror films with creepy characters or action packed thrillers (though i love the italian job or ocean's 11, and that genre of movies!) .. when misty suggested we go and check out coach carter, honestly i was thinking of all the excuses i could make to give this is a slip .. oversleeping? call in sick? be late , so we wont get tickets? =p aah, no. none of that worked, and ended up catching a sneak yday. i should say the movie was very inspirational. was not like million dollar baby. here's IMDB's take on the movie ..

In 1999, Ken Carter, a successful sporting goods store owner, accepts the job of basketball coach for his old high school in poor inner Los Angeles, Richmond, where he was a champion athlete. As much dismayed by the poor attitudes of his players as well as their dismal play performance, Carter sets about to change both. He immediately imposes a strict regime typified in written contracts that include stipulations for respectful behavior, a dress code and good grades as requisites to being allowed to participate. The initial resistance from the boys is soon dispelled as the team under Carter's tutelage becomes a undefeated competitor in the games. However, when the overconfident team's behavior begins to stray and Carter learns that too many players are doing poorly in class, he takes immediate action. To the outrage of the team, the school and the community, Carter cancels all team activities and locks the court until the team shows acceptable academic improvement. In the ensuing debate, Carter fights to keep his methods, determined to show the boys that they need to rely on more than sports for their futures and eventually finds he has affected them more profoundly than he ever expected.

for the low spirits i have been in for the last week or so, this was a good movie to catch. very thought provoking ... inspirational =) it's time I learn to face my fears, isnt it?

Rollercoaster weekend

one helluva weekend. friday evening .. had dinner at the french cafe, had my weekly mocha and went back to relax with useless sitcom reruns (sounds totally pathetic, i know!) .. my roomie's got semester finals going on, so am trying to be the cooperative good roomie, "keeping it down", the Mr. Heckles (of F.R.I.E.N.D.S) way .. no tempting her to watch movies or escape for some good fast food down town .. had a series of meetings on saturday morning, so had to crawl into bed early on friday ..

saturday's meetings went off not so good with most of our ideas being shot down even before we presented them. now that lead us (my partner and me) to groan and mope around the whole time .. we were getting a little desperate and of course highly restless. even reached a point where we both were undecided as to what we want out of this. so we decided to cool it off .. said we'd wait to hear from some of the officers, if they decided to choose us. went down for lunch at the nearest coffee shop, only to find it closed. this was only adding to our frustrations pent up in the day. luckily we met a whole buncha friends down there, who were incidentally also sitting around moping about life in general. they say misery loves company, and voila, two more mopers joined in, willingly =) a rainy afternoon followed, and walk back to my dorm with S .. talking of whom, did i tell you, believe he's got a gurlfren here .. the sneaky guy he is, always looking for dirt abt others and dint tell us this one eh? anyway happened to find out about her, and if im guessing right she muz be some gullible junior he's tripping around with .. he's a no-commitment dude, remember? anyway i kept wanting to ask him for some juicy details, but both of us were still pissed off about the morning's meetings .. so kept the gossip for s'other time! by evening i was so done with my morning blues, we decided it was time wear those party hats and get out of there to make ourselves feel better. misty and me headed down town, only to meet an ol' fren of mine there .. oh the dahling that he is =) was really nice to meet him after such a long time .. anyway, we dint join him for dinner, wasnt so sure that'd be such a great idea, cos he was with sm dame himself .. so gave that a slip .. we just headed out to get a drink or two, chill with some good music and of course cheesy great dinner to follow =) quite fun that was ..

sunday started rather late, thanks to my 10 hour crash out ... we'd planned on watching a movie, so hurried to get dressed and get out .. was back in the city , yay! we made it just in time to get decent seats for the show .. and then went on splurging - mocha to nachos to popcorn - the movie, "Coach Carter" was pretty damn good, will write about it later ... after tat, we stepped out of the cinema and ppffftttt there went my phone.. a million calls, one of them being from my project partner (PP) .. he was suddenly there pushing me into taking up something new we were only "considering" just cos he had met someone who told him it was a great idea .. dude, think for yourself .. smtime! i was, for one thing not prepared to discuss it again with him, definitely not then! also, i was in a rather confused state of mind myself, as whether i really wanted to deal with some of the areas of that project. suddenly, there i was feeling so weak about everything again. so indecisive, so confused. misty's "advice" never really helps in these situations, and this time too, dint help too much! thru out our burger king dinner, i was in this funny state of mind, not knowing wat to do .. dint help that the minute we got on the train back, misty started off the whining spree again - oh i'm so miserable - oh why am i so fat - oh why don't i have a boy friend - girl, for once stop thinking only about yourself. and hullo, she's not even that fat. infact she actually works out. and believe me I am the LAST person you should be complaining to abt being fat. take your fitness problems to someone who'd listen. i prolly have nvr done that, but for the first time, i actually just turned away as she spoke to me. no reactions. nothing. i was just looking the opposite direction and staring into space until she decided to switch subjects. finally.

hmmm .. despite doing all the things that usually cheer me up, this weekend felt so lousy. the daiquiri, the coffee or the movie, nothing really lifted my spirits. which was when i thought of calling my geeky friend over for a chat at the cafe downstairs. for the sweetheart that he's been lately, he came down, so late in the night and we talked =) helped me clear up the muddle in my head about my project. sort of. then we were there getting all senti abt going back home and missing friends back home .. he was telling me how homesick he felt for the first time in years, and i could so relate to that .. this has been one stretch where i'm afraid when i go back home, i wouldnt wanna come back.. i've never felt this way in ages! generally we were yapping away about practically everything and how we were just miserable and disappointed for no particular reason at all .. was relieved to see other ppl in my boat as well, as i said before, misery loves company =) was quite a relief to talk to him .. though my state of content was rather shortlived when PP called again (!!!!) .. this time it was some kind of an ultimatum served to say, we do this or we wont do this together. which was when i felt may be my being confused was really getting to him. and it struck me that it would not be easy for me to find someone else to work with, someone i could get along so well with. the only thing i knew i needed was some time to calm down and think. be by myself. told him so and for a nice guy he is, he agreed. the first thing i did after i put down the fone, was to try and talk to my parents.

family can be so comforting at times like this, when you just feel so lost. talking to parents or a sibling, someone you feel is your own for life can just help you get it off your chest. but as my luck would have it, my telecom provider had trouble and i could not get a call back home! (talk about a lousy weekend!!) .. hell yeah .. was more than enough to totally put me off .. took a while till i slept ... but the fatigue of thinking too much and worrying i think, finally put me to sleep .. the weekend's just shown me how messy and muddled i can get smtimes .. and how nothing in the world can cheer me up when i feel like that .. definitely not misty and her blues .. geeky guy was an angel this weekend .. *thanks* .. aarrrggghhh i really really wanna get out of this state and be all bubbly and perky again .. time for a miracle, pls! * someone up there, are you listening?*

Geez!

lol.. i was jus gonna come back and say my god! i write so much nonsense ~ how do i even expect someone to be nice enough to read =S .. and rite then, some kind soul decided to drop me a comment *thanx* .. and yep, i'm plain stoning here, wait for friday evening to kick off - can't wait to get out of work .. btw, stoning => doing ABSOLUTELY nothing!

Restless

I thought i had come to terms with everything that was goin on in my life. more like, just content, even though not quite in full control of things. turns out i was quite wrong. little did i know when i said i was so happy, that the next couple of weeks would go like this! my god! the last week or so has been utterly disappointing, very dull and boring and absolutely unhappening. i've hardly met any frenz, except misty ofcourse. but these days she's so aloof and bluey all the time, seeing her makes me more depressed. worse still, she makes these statements to altogether put me off. the only time u see her face light up is when she's talking about guys and marriage. every second thing is "oooh so good looking". these days it just so gets to me. i cant see how she can fall in and out of love with every second guy on the street. literally. generally hanging out with her doesnt make me any happier, so i've decided to chill that for a while. infact i wanted to go out and do our usual girl talk thing tonite, friday coffee time, but misty had planned to work out tonite *hell, wat a lousy way to spend friday evening* so ma'am wont come. good riddance i guess. day by day she's just getting more and more boring to hang out with. wats worse, she's pretty all the "hang out" friends im left with at the moment. shit. life really sucks s'times.

then there's work - dull and boring again. i get mad at myself for being so careless about it, but lets face it, i cant do a day in day out booooring job for so damn long. repetitive routines have just totally got to me. sigh. now its finally the weekend. but hardly anything to look fwd to in the weekend also. how dull!

anyone who knows me by now muz have guessed i have not seen Joe either. miss him. i guess i should get used to life without him and move on. may be. i hardly see him these days. that spark seems to be gone. even when we meet, thr's hardly time for a hi-hello conversation. if ever this is going to work out, its probably not now. thr's gonna be a lot of rebuilding and reconnecting to be done before smth happens, and i'm nt sure i'm so ready for that. and i don't even know for sure he's interested. they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. really? i don't think so. not for me and joe. it has become a story of "out of sight, out of mind". at least thats wat it seems like from his end. ='(

whats been bothering me most this week is undoubtedly the issue of my academic research project. i was glad when a friend had asked me to be his partner, cos i was dreading the day everyone else would pair up and leave me with no partners. but now with this guy, i'm having second thoughts. are we really on the same frequency? would we actually have similar interests to choose smth we both will enjoy? will this initial enthusiasm remain, or die off over the long year ahead of us? questions for which i'm yet to find answers .. we have tried to discuss things out, he's been okay so far, but our areas of interests seem to be QUITE different, in which case, it may not be such a great idea to team with him after all. though he's a nice guy mostly. have known him since first week of college. we both arent particularly the smartest ppl around, but i guess we could pull off a decent job. hopefully things will settle and work out for the best. i'm nt even so sure why im getting so worried about this. i'm usually not the one to bother myself so much about academic issues, remember the last minute whining every exam season?! yeah, daddy thinks i should look out for wats best for me. though i'm not the kind of person who can walk off, shirking away a commitment made. esp to someone who's been a good fren all along =S *aarrggghhhh confusion*

besides that this week was angel's birthday - Happy Birthday dearie! wishing you loadsa luv, luc & laughter, babe!

hmmm... no closing thoughts. better get back to work, been slacking off wayyy too much these days. sigh! *pray things get better, pls god pretty pretty pls!*

Who's my inner European?

hehe one more quiz thingy .. why am i not surprised =) .. j'adore les francais!

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated. You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

Stop apologizing!

yes, as my "geeky" friend rightly pointed out, i apologize too much. oh sorry to say, oh sorry this, did i do smth, so sorry! whew whew. i shouldnt b so hard on myself, tk a break dearie =) no sorries for nothing! this weekend has been by far the dullest weekend in a long time! no friday coffee, thanks to this terrible flu - dull saturday with sitcoms, misty and geeky friend for company - duller sunday with meetings, doing-nothing and worrying about impending visit by my officer at work - and generally feeling low, thanks to the usual - what ifs and what if nots ... yep, you guessed right, i havent seen Joe either .. *sighz* .. is he even remotely interested? i mean, hullo .. in a way prefer my normal course work where at least this time of the year i'd get to hang out with him .. with the new scheme of things i hardly even see him .. *moist eyes* .. in this mood where i'm feeling so lousy about not knowing there things are heading .. wonder where that poistive me disappeared off to again .. i have a feeling hanging out too much with misty makes me depressed s'times! hmm ... quite an observation, that! anyway dinner's ready, i better scoot off ... adioz ~

Wwaaah! No one reads my blog =P

hehe sorry cudnt help it. how come no one ever "stumbles" on my blog and leaves comments *ppl if u r reading this, a comment once in a while wud do no harm* so saying, i ought to admit who in the right mind would actually be patient enough to read through my posts, which are typically oh-so-dreamy, oh-my-life-sucks, oh-what-the-hell-am-i-writing kind of stuff ~ admitted. i am one big time confused soul. much as i like my blog to be really anonimous, i wonder if anyone at all is amused by my writings. amused, not bcos i think i'm humorous, but generally cos i'm so damn messy and my writing very clearly reflects that i'm sure! hehe .. anyway i'm back to work now .. friday evening, and eeeeeek the weekend's almost here .. yay! hopefully will make my coffee trip happen *despite the terrible terrible flu that i've caught* .. have a good weekend, ciao!

click click!

the weekend zipped off before it even came. yupz, one more bz weekend. friday evening was calm and quiet, and yeah, did mention coffee? now, that's become a ritual, friday evening = yap at coffee shop. more like bitch about life =D and complain to single friends about how desparately u NEED smone in your life. well, just that in my case, i do mosta the listening when it comes to this subject, thanks to misty's endless ranting! but heck, its actually fun. the coffee shop plays these ever-so-lovely songs and we sit there being all nostalgic and blue, smtimes happy to just be there though :)

saturday morning was when the hectic weekend really kicked off, had this meeting like really reaally early in the morning ... topped it up with a chat session with this geeky friend of mine ... u know one of those boys who never got into shit when in high school, this guy's just one of them. perfect. you can almost see that halo around his head. geez, how much i tease him for being so "good". but s'times its fun to hang out with him. i can shoot my mouth off, sound like a complete idiot and i know it wont matter (mostly so cos he already thinks of me as this total nincompoop!) hehe. nice guy though, he's kinda always there for you when you're down and out. makes you feel less shitty and helps you see that light at the end of the tunnel, just when you think all there is to life is darkness. *touchwood* i hope he continues to be the same nice guy, and that i click with him well always =) bumped into S and a whole buncha the rest on my way back from the meeting, its always a pleasure to see some of them.

last week, grannie had been in the hospital over some gastric problem. Dr S was there to take care so i was not worried, though mama had her blood pressure all high bcos of it. just to make sure things were alrite i tinkled grannie saturday morning, and it was such a relief talking to her!

anyway, saturday afternoon i FINALLY bought myself a camera ... this plan was underway since god-knows-how-long, and it was finally done this saturday! phew! got myself this 4 MP Canon digicam and have been clicking away ;-) oh i love it!

later that nite was a fren's bday bash, where i met the whole buncha them .. NJ was there too, but he behaved as if he dint know me, for watever reason ... hmm.. weird after thursday's rendezvous, don't you think?! but well well, who cares ... i met joe there .. he was a sweetie .. (as usual, these days *touch wood* ) ... so was S , aze and all of them really. sweet hearts, s'times!

then came my sleepie sunday .. yupz, slept until noon. woke up to find out about the pope's demise. *minute's silence to pay my respects* i'm not a catholic, but the "world leader" aspect drew me into feeling concerned. though it does piss the hell outta me when ppl call us fundamentalists .. looks at this .. how much is being said and written now ... and they say we make a hullaboo ... i have muslim friends too, they're not fanatic. but as a faith, islam is very fundamentalistic. if you were to ask me so is christianity. they're looking to convert every non Xian. and then they say we are fundamentalists. i fail to understand s'times. anyway, i guess with the sympathy wave bcos of the pope's death, i better not say too much. not me. i never did feel so strongly about any religion, forget mine, until people started talking lowly about my religion. I am not islamic or christian and where i used to stay, we were a majority. so never really bothered me. now when i hear people talk badly of my faith, it really gets on my nerve. cos as a majority, not once have i felt privileged or better taken care of in my country, where as i said we are the damn majority. and then there are people from other faiths who believe all the wrong that has happened to them is because of us. believe me, if there's one thing my faith preaches it is diversity. we never believed in unity, to the extent of being fundamentalist. my religion does not even pray to one god. what are they accussing us of, i fail to understand. anyway, this was some random rambling. blurting out some things off the top of my head. if anyone reading this is offended - nope, not meant to offend you. i wont apologize, cos i believe what i have written isnt wrong. and after all, we all have a right to expression.

well well well, all this said and done, sunday evening i was off to a dinner invitation. was a friend's bday treat where we went to this grand ethnic restaurant. we'd planned a bday surprise for her and we had a good time there, though i was in an alien crowd, so to speak. not my gang. but had fun, and i guess that should matter the most =) got back rather late sunday night and there, my weekend was over and before i knew it, the sunday night blues had struck! this monday was one of the hardest to get outta bed and come to work .. yes, come, becos here i am writing this post from work, cos i'm really tired of working on my code. sighz! its gotten all cold and freezy out here... fingers getting numb. i better stop now, ciaoz!