You may ask.
Mostly, at work. No, seriously. Most of the last three to four months or may be even more than that, have been spent working. Toiling ridiculously hard. Some of that sweat paid off, and something I had been hoping for and whining about for the last 6 months, finally happened. But it brought along was a whole lot of people issues and politics that I was not sure I could manage. And needless to say, lots more stress, lots more pressure, lots more covering the field. And, little if not no help from people around. Means. Later nights at work, much harder work, and obviously more bouts of grumpy, unhappy self! Not cool.
Moving onto the thin wafer of so-called social life. There are these bunch of friends I hang out with. The more I hang out with them the more I feel I dont belong with them anymore. I mean, look at them all getting on with their lives, and me? Doing nothing cool. Not knowing hot women, and not being one does not help one bit. There are times when I barge my way in quite shamelessly, but sometimes its annoying. Its irritating how people make use of you when they need you and leave you high and dry when their purpose has been fulfilled. Take for example the friend who always had time for dinner. Who always knew what I was upto. Ever since the girlfriend has come on the scene, he has no time for this old pal. Hey, busy with xxx today, mind catching up tommorrow? Seriously? You were the same person who came 30 miles to see me for 10 minutes the day before you flew off on that business trip last year, just because you wouldnt get to hang out for the next few weeks! Now, I cannot remember the last time we did a hang out minus
her. If you're thinking oh no, now she's going to confess that she loves this guy. Hold that thought. No. I am not in love with this guy. Never was, and dont think will ever be. Just annoyed at how things change, friendships change, and how sometimes people you believed will always be there for you don't show up when you need them the most. I've had this friend for the last, lets say, ten years now. We've been fairly close, I've always been there for her - through the high school exams, first crushes, traumatic heart breaks, family issues, you name it. Heard hours of I-hate-being-single and my-life-sucks stories with no complaints whatsoever. Then we had to make some choices, and when it came to making them quite innocently I assumed her decisions would feature my happiness. Boy, could I have been more wrong? She seemed to be perfectly fine moving on and changing lanes, and I was left high and dry again. Over time, I thought I'll be better than holding something like this against our years of friendship and figured I'll let go. Especially knowing that she was going through a total rough patch in so many ways. We went back to being friends, me being the stupid old me, doling out useful boyfriend advise, study tips and what not. The past week has been sheer madness for both of us. Me trying to calm her down from her rants and bouts of tears and depression and all that drama. Yesterday was D Day. And luckily for her, things turned out really well. I'm thrilled for her, yes. But even as I just congratulated her, it stung me to believe she was busy making celebration plans minus moi. At the risk of sounding like a gilted lover, I have to say, I feel hurt. And completely let down. And deep down I know that should there be, god forbid, a time when I need her to stand by me as my pillar of strength, she wont be there. And knowing that just hurts. Why, and by that I mean, WHY am I so stupid? Why do I let silly people, silly things affect me and hurt me so much? God alone knows.
In other news I have a nice long vacation coming up soon. Can't wait for that. Although that comes with a pinch of salt, dreading conversations about the future and what direction my life should take. If only I had all the answers! I guess for now I will only look forward to some respite from all the work, and all the cynicism and just try and enjoy the anticipation of a holiday and the hopefully, the holiday itself :)
Tommorrow may be a big day, do pray things turn out fine please!
Cheers.
