Uhm. procrastination.

Not sure why I came to blogger. oh yeah, i know. i like procrastination. not the word silly! if there was any word in the English language whose sound i hated more than voluptuous, it has gotto be procrastination - so crass. ewww!

anyway, i digress. i'm supposed to be working on my thesis. and understandably/predictably guess what i started doing? have been procrrrastinating (yes, emphasize on the 'r') and putting it off for later (that's procrastination, silly!) ... just cannot get myself to start writing on something so boring. i mean, more boring than my rant here, imagine! the tragic part being its due in like 5 days, and i'm suffering from a major writers block (now that's my latest excuse, btw) .. just cant get started .. sigh sigh sigh.

stomping off in frustration. ciaoz.

:)

You know what, enough of the melodrama already. a month is enough to mourn and moan. have to spring right back and zip outta crappy moods. come on pray things get better for me. won't put you thru saaad, oh-my-face-is-going-to-fall-off-if-i-get-any-sadder posts! is someone up there listening? hullo? better times pls :)

Lame, but what the heck!

They say when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. At the rate at which my life's handing me lemons, I'm gonna be chief supplier to Cocacola's Minute Maid!

What do you do when ...

what do you do when somebody insists on controlling your life sitting 3000 miles away and 30 years apart from you? what do you do when someone you love just so dearly is bent on asking you all the wrong questions? what do you do when someone whom you want look upto for hope and peace insists on bringing up the most disturbing subjects with you, subjects you would just rather not talk of right now? what do you do when someone who knows your greatest weaknesses just brings it up right at the time when you're down in the dumps, and uses it against you? what do you do when someone you love just refuses to understand, even after you've spelt out how you feel about all this? what do you do when you want that someone to be your pillar of strength during your hardest days but they just don't seem to understand? just what do you do?

Que sera sera

You have heard about that feeling, the kind which a chicken who's throat's about to be slashed by the butcher feels? yeah, i felt that today. as i waited with baited breathe for another rejection. another someth i wanted, not as badly as the one before, but yet quite badly. surprisingly i'm not all heartbroken. may be its time i become one of those fatalists, who believes that whatever shall happen shall happen ~

ps. Its been one of those days today. even Joe's call dint change my fortune. sigh.

Sometimes ...

... you do absolutely nothing and things work out just fine. like magic. and other times, you do everything you can to make things work, and yet somehow, they just don't. Damn!

The collage ~

Got this ubercool collage made at Snapshirts ... picks out words from your blog and makes this. Awesome, innit?

Inertia.

Another lazy saturday afternoon. have spent the day making excuses not to wake up at all. finally got my ass outta bed. now before i go into mundane chores and the boring life, time for a quick post.

tmr happens to be the annual fest. now this is a fest i've attended for as long as i remember, and tmr will be my final chance to go thr. but when invited i politely declined. hmm.. is it really the pressures of work and incomplete assignments that is keeping me from going there? Or is it the fear of running into so many people from my past i dread? Or seeing so many people, so happy that makes me squirm? No, i dont think everyone in the universe should be just about as miserable as i am. but hey, misery loves company and you know smth aint right when you're the only one so miserable. and that too, for no good reason really. aaarrrgggh. complicated? you bet!

anyway at the moment, the invit has been declined. the decision has been made. i shant be going there tmr. given my fickle attitude, i might just change my mind come 6pm tmr, but thats to be seen later.

Joe's back to the mixed signal routine. but mostly, he's a sweetheart. i mean, how can you not fall in love with someone just-so-sweet? there's the practical sane me who just wants to run away and break off and tell myself nothing will ever happen. but then, there's this silly me who thrives on hope. who believes may be things were meant to be this way, may be .. hmm.. thr's been an unusual lot of flirting coming my way lately .. i've decided to go along and have some fun at least ;)

as you musta figured, i'm back to rambling. mostly cos i'm just plain lazy to get started on some serious work. although given the hectic week coming up, i just have no choice. was s'posed to be a term break, but what do i have for myself next week - a jam packed 7 day routine, full of projects, meetings and assignments. yay, how exciting! bleah ~

Frustrations unleashed.

Frustrated for no particular reason. Generally down, worked up. Terribly restless. Could be the upcoming interviews and appointments. Or the looming deadlines. Or just boredom and wanting to break free. Or lack of good company. Or the desire for change - For revolution. For companionship.

Just tired of having to be answerable to so many people. tired of being under so much pressure. why can't things just fall into place, for once?

Sometimes I cant help but feel a little jealous. How do some people manage to have it all - the fun life, the caring boyfriend, the coveted job, the fantastic apt? Here I'm struggling to just somehow manage to complete my routine tasks. *sigh* and how do people find happiness in small things? even when everything seems to be so uphill? I need to learn from such people. Need to stop my life from falling apart into this big mess I can vaguely see already! yeeeelp!

We ladies are a l'il hypocritic, aren't we?

We say we're all in power and feminism, yet go weak in the knee when the handsome gentleman opens the door for you!

We say we don't love the pinks and mushiness around valentines day, yet love it when the guy brings over pink flowers and a mixed CD of your favorite love songs!

We say we don't need a guy to "validate" us, yet scorn the thought of being single on Valentines day (or that friend's party or the family dinner or the latest romantic movie or.. )

We say we can be as good as any guy, and that we can fix our own cars and computers, yet melt the moment a guy offers to help you with that flat tyre!

We say we can perfectly enjoy the riverside restaurant with single girl friends, yet all we do is endless whine about our singlehood and how we need a guy in our lives!

This list can go on and on and on .. I'm not some anti-feminist here, but hey, we all love some chivalry and enjoy being pampered now, don't we?

ps. did not mean to generalise. may be the datelessness has struck me. the valentine's woes and sitting around bitching with gal pals can do this to you sometimes, you know!

Just the way we were

... yep, nothing's changed :) and I see it like this for longer, sigh!

anyway, happy valentines' day ~

Phew

Yes. There was hope after all. Thank good heavens. Now, I feel like I have tried, I don't know whether my best, but I tried. At least gave it my best possible shot. Beyond this, once again, it's upto the stars and the Gods above to decide my fate. Be kind :)

I cannot believe it

something i've wanted for so long has worked out. only i find out a little too late. now, is it just too late? or is there hope?

i need prayers. please. and miracles.

What are you doing?

Seriously. Stop confusing me!

Absolut Randomness

It's been a crazy kind of few weeks now. been upto doing a lot of things, yet nothing really. the mundane work, the regular outings, coffee shop hanging out, expensive dinners and fattening desserts. all of that has been done. add retail therapy to the list as well - ah, those sinfully expensive pants!

The lunar new year break was spent in drowning myself (almost literally) in chocolate, coffee and such sinful pleasures. cheesy sandwiches and pizza. hot crispy fries. cakes and ice creams. yum yum yum. after the indulgence, i did feel a little better. but wow, the therapy sure burnt a hole in my pocket. to think snapping outta bad moods could be this expensive *shudder* i'm guessing the overdose of complex carbohydrate hasn't done my already outta shape figure any good either. sigh!

That was followed by some routine meet-the-family-and-friends routine, except it wasn't my family i was meeting. but hanging out with old pals has its share of comfort i enjoy. the teasing, not-so-witty-banter, watching TV and generally doing nothing phase.

The break ended leaving me poorer, yet richer. Poorer - duh, din't you see how much $$$ was spent? richer - errr, the rich food for one. but mostly comforting times with friends leaves you with fond memories, now don't they?

In all this, I met Joe a few times now. I see why ppl hav a problem getting over crushes. It is easy to verbalize and tell myself I'm over him. But everytime I see him, that's it. all tht determination seems to evaporate, and all I can see is his adorable smile and his cute ways. and bam! i'm back to being crazy about him all over again. *incorrigible, i know*

I get a feeling he and his friends seem to know what's going on with me. *sheepish look**embarassed smile* s'times I hate it that my face gives away so much. that my eyes say the unspoken. yeeesh. but what I cannot figure out is why doesn't somebody do anything about this. and by that I mean, tell me what's going on? It's wayy too confusing for me to solve this puzzle, ppl! hanywayz, i've no clue how this thing's gonna end, really. and I give up rationalizing every move and trying to speculate on what's next. not happening.

The weekend has been whiled away succesfully so far. I do have some assignments to work on, but just can't get my arse down to doing them. Guess shall revert to the lazy mode, and continue doing nothing. you guys have a good weekend. Be good :)

ps. I know this post makes no sense in all really. but hey, don't blame me. you chose to read smth titled Absolut Randomness !!

Missing you ~

Found this as I bloghopped ... real mushy :)

I miss you. But how come you dont?
And if you do, how come you never say it?
And if you say it, how come you never say it first?
And if you say it first, how come you never say it enough?
And if you say it enough, how come you never mean it?
And if you do mean it, how come you never show it?
And if you show it, how come I never see it?
I miss you. And I know you miss me too.
I hope you knew that too ...