Carefree

The word Carefree has never meant as much as it has come to mean over these last few months. Suddenly I feel grown up. Suddenly I realise what they were talking about when they said university and college days are the golden times of your life. Back then, I refuted their theory and thought that struggle was the worst ever. Little did I realise that struggle culminates in this. A stressful job. The word stressful, again has new meaning! A sense of responsibility. As if the worries of the entire planet are placed on your weak shoulders. I thought I always enjoyed being responsible and managing my own affairs. Suddenly paying bills and arranging repair works does not sound like fun. I love my independence and all that. But the baggage that comes with it, I'm not sure I want that so badly. I'd enjoy being taken care of again. I'd enjoy people telling me what to do, rather than expect me to know everything and put things into place all by myself. Most of all, I'd enjoy someone from the real world I could share my endless rambling with.

I wish people were more honest, with themselves and others.

Confused

My body feels a little confused. Everything feels a bit out of sync. It refuses to belive the weekend is over and we're on sunday night already. Okay, blame me for it. I just thought, for a change, it would be fun to reverse my activity charts for sunday and saturday. Do all the cleaning, cooking, gym, shopping routines on saturday and enjoy sunday watching TV, munching junk food and meeting friends. And now I learn, the idea has not been received so well. My entire body aches at the thought of waking up early and heading to work tmr. GROAN.

When the tears just don't stop

I feel let down. I feel cheated. Why do you always do this? Despite everything I have given you. I just don't deserve this. Why can't you just call me for once?

They say someone who makes you cry is not worth your tears. Then why is it that someone so dear to you gift you with only tears? Why is this someone still so dear? I wish things were different.

Weekend round up

The weekend went off quite smoothly. Nothing much happened, but that felt better than things going wrong. The friends were met on friday night. A funny happy ending movie was watched. The saturday morning was slept through, as usual! A slow lunch, lazy plonking myself on the couch, mundane shopping and dinner at local cafe. Some more TV shows and chatting around with the flat mates. Lazier sunday. slept through most of it. The flat was cleaned. The coffee shop was visited. Old photos were taken out of that store room cupboard and we took a trip down memory lane. Felt warm and nice. Miss those good ol' times. But I'm sure life always looks better in retrospect, and some day I'll cherish what I'm going through right now. Hoping for better days ahead, and praying the monday isn't as dreaded as I fear it to be. And not to forget, this is the week of the friday, the 13th! whew. Good luck dear Karizma, you know you need it!

The weepy one.

I had expected today to be so fantastic, and look what happened. I guess my theory of never expecting anything has come back with a slap on my face. yeah. its just amazing how much control someone else can have in making or breaking your day. not just day, making or breaking what feels like your life. and that simply is not fair. especially when the person doesn't even realise what they're doing. bleah.

in other news someone has been getting to me so much these days. ever waking minute of my life this person is trying their best to step in my life and bug the shit out of me. little doubt that its annoying me so much that the said person might just get strangled by me one of these days. she wants everything i have and more. that just gets my goat dammit. all my friends, all my interests, everything. and no, imitation isn't flattery when its this kind of in-your-face imitation or whatever it is. the endless quest for attention people get into and the ego trips. all of this makes me wanna throw up. the whole pseudo i have a life attitude. the false friendships. all for wrong reasons. aaaarrrrgggggh.

sometimes i truly believe absence makes the heart grow fonder. more so i believe mere presence can make you wanna kill some people. staying with someone can make you dislike someone. more than you ever thought. having to see that person all the time not only irritates you for no good reason but also makes you find fault with everything they do. and that's not so good when said person is probably the only other human being you talk to these days. gah. my life's getting messier than i'd imagined it to be. groan. i dont like this. need a break. need to get out. and how that totally isn't working out is making me sick. really.

ok my rant for the day is done. phew. feels better letting this steam out. aaah. gimme a break someone!

Long time no see..

Yes, I know it has been a while that I got down to writing. Been busy with particularly nothing really, but yet been sooo busy. Work can be blamed mostly, but even without work the weekends just seem to fly by before I sit back adn take note of whats happening! My life has changed so much in the last couple of months, and yet in some ways it's so much like what it has been always - just like before. I am not sure I like it all, not yet. Catching up with old friends is becoming a rarer event, and every time I enjoy it so much more! Domestic affairs like laundry, cooking (!!!), paying bills has been incorporated into the routine life. Fair amount of sleeping, TV shows and random phone calls. And just these manage to make 48 hours of the weekend. Don't even ask how the weeks have been whizzing by. There are so many new people in my life now, so many new people I hang out with, and so many people I miss hanging out with. There are people, friends everywhere I go, and yet somehow, I feel so lonely.