Rollercoaster weekend

one helluva weekend. friday evening .. had dinner at the french cafe, had my weekly mocha and went back to relax with useless sitcom reruns (sounds totally pathetic, i know!) .. my roomie's got semester finals going on, so am trying to be the cooperative good roomie, "keeping it down", the Mr. Heckles (of F.R.I.E.N.D.S) way .. no tempting her to watch movies or escape for some good fast food down town .. had a series of meetings on saturday morning, so had to crawl into bed early on friday ..

saturday's meetings went off not so good with most of our ideas being shot down even before we presented them. now that lead us (my partner and me) to groan and mope around the whole time .. we were getting a little desperate and of course highly restless. even reached a point where we both were undecided as to what we want out of this. so we decided to cool it off .. said we'd wait to hear from some of the officers, if they decided to choose us. went down for lunch at the nearest coffee shop, only to find it closed. this was only adding to our frustrations pent up in the day. luckily we met a whole buncha friends down there, who were incidentally also sitting around moping about life in general. they say misery loves company, and voila, two more mopers joined in, willingly =) a rainy afternoon followed, and walk back to my dorm with S .. talking of whom, did i tell you, believe he's got a gurlfren here .. the sneaky guy he is, always looking for dirt abt others and dint tell us this one eh? anyway happened to find out about her, and if im guessing right she muz be some gullible junior he's tripping around with .. he's a no-commitment dude, remember? anyway i kept wanting to ask him for some juicy details, but both of us were still pissed off about the morning's meetings .. so kept the gossip for s'other time! by evening i was so done with my morning blues, we decided it was time wear those party hats and get out of there to make ourselves feel better. misty and me headed down town, only to meet an ol' fren of mine there .. oh the dahling that he is =) was really nice to meet him after such a long time .. anyway, we dint join him for dinner, wasnt so sure that'd be such a great idea, cos he was with sm dame himself .. so gave that a slip .. we just headed out to get a drink or two, chill with some good music and of course cheesy great dinner to follow =) quite fun that was ..

sunday started rather late, thanks to my 10 hour crash out ... we'd planned on watching a movie, so hurried to get dressed and get out .. was back in the city , yay! we made it just in time to get decent seats for the show .. and then went on splurging - mocha to nachos to popcorn - the movie, "Coach Carter" was pretty damn good, will write about it later ... after tat, we stepped out of the cinema and ppffftttt there went my phone.. a million calls, one of them being from my project partner (PP) .. he was suddenly there pushing me into taking up something new we were only "considering" just cos he had met someone who told him it was a great idea .. dude, think for yourself .. smtime! i was, for one thing not prepared to discuss it again with him, definitely not then! also, i was in a rather confused state of mind myself, as whether i really wanted to deal with some of the areas of that project. suddenly, there i was feeling so weak about everything again. so indecisive, so confused. misty's "advice" never really helps in these situations, and this time too, dint help too much! thru out our burger king dinner, i was in this funny state of mind, not knowing wat to do .. dint help that the minute we got on the train back, misty started off the whining spree again - oh i'm so miserable - oh why am i so fat - oh why don't i have a boy friend - girl, for once stop thinking only about yourself. and hullo, she's not even that fat. infact she actually works out. and believe me I am the LAST person you should be complaining to abt being fat. take your fitness problems to someone who'd listen. i prolly have nvr done that, but for the first time, i actually just turned away as she spoke to me. no reactions. nothing. i was just looking the opposite direction and staring into space until she decided to switch subjects. finally.

hmmm .. despite doing all the things that usually cheer me up, this weekend felt so lousy. the daiquiri, the coffee or the movie, nothing really lifted my spirits. which was when i thought of calling my geeky friend over for a chat at the cafe downstairs. for the sweetheart that he's been lately, he came down, so late in the night and we talked =) helped me clear up the muddle in my head about my project. sort of. then we were there getting all senti abt going back home and missing friends back home .. he was telling me how homesick he felt for the first time in years, and i could so relate to that .. this has been one stretch where i'm afraid when i go back home, i wouldnt wanna come back.. i've never felt this way in ages! generally we were yapping away about practically everything and how we were just miserable and disappointed for no particular reason at all .. was relieved to see other ppl in my boat as well, as i said before, misery loves company =) was quite a relief to talk to him .. though my state of content was rather shortlived when PP called again (!!!!) .. this time it was some kind of an ultimatum served to say, we do this or we wont do this together. which was when i felt may be my being confused was really getting to him. and it struck me that it would not be easy for me to find someone else to work with, someone i could get along so well with. the only thing i knew i needed was some time to calm down and think. be by myself. told him so and for a nice guy he is, he agreed. the first thing i did after i put down the fone, was to try and talk to my parents.

family can be so comforting at times like this, when you just feel so lost. talking to parents or a sibling, someone you feel is your own for life can just help you get it off your chest. but as my luck would have it, my telecom provider had trouble and i could not get a call back home! (talk about a lousy weekend!!) .. hell yeah .. was more than enough to totally put me off .. took a while till i slept ... but the fatigue of thinking too much and worrying i think, finally put me to sleep .. the weekend's just shown me how messy and muddled i can get smtimes .. and how nothing in the world can cheer me up when i feel like that .. definitely not misty and her blues .. geeky guy was an angel this weekend .. *thanks* .. aarrrggghhh i really really wanna get out of this state and be all bubbly and perky again .. time for a miracle, pls! * someone up there, are you listening?*