Raindrops on roses ..

.. yeah, not particularly upbeat. but the rain hasn't bogged my mood too much either. just plain bored. of having nothing to do. met a bunch of ppl fr lunch. which was nice considering i had spent almost the entire week having lunch all by myself. i'm a complete ppl's person, in the sense that i'm actually terrified of being alone. and yet somehow, more often than not, i end up being alone. telling myself that i actually enjoy the time i have for myself. reality is that i don't. i love company. i love having ppl to fuss over. and fussing over me. i love to endlessly chat and happily eat and drink and make merry. i love having family around when i'm happy or sad. i love having friends to be there when i think i need them the most. i love having people all around me. people, i care about, ppl who care about me. people i can truly call, my own people. havent had that lovely feeling in sometime now. and really miss my people. where are you all?

as i type this post, it strikes me. you know all those people i consider my people. that high school best friend and that aunt who baked yummy goodies? i have just become so distant. the physical distance has led to emotional distance, and may be, may be we don't connect the way we used to, after all. all those people whom i thought i can always fall bac on arent quite there for me any more. and its not their fault. it's not even mine. i guess over time, things have just changed. this was what was destined to happen. we were not meant to be! so there aren't too many of those people i can truly call my own, my people. damn.

as a teenage girl, my friends meant the world to me. even now, they do mean a lot. and my mom used to tell me, how in the long run, these people whom i claimed i wudden be able to live without would hardly matter in the big picture. how a day will come when these people will take a backseat and i'll be forced to move on (just as they will be too!) i somehow thought she was being pessimistic and refused to believe her. me and my usual stubborn ways. today as i type this, i have flashes of the times i spent with my old friends. high school crushes. silly telephone calls. fights over nothing. times of support. all this flashing before me. and much as i am thankful for having them in life at some point in time, all those ppl who meant my world are no longer that close to me any more. hell, i havent seen some of them since high school. and the ones i have seen, are not the same best buddy friends anymore. obviously things are different. so now, when i think about it, all these ppl who mean so much to me will be nobodies in my life may be a few years from now. cos we all have our own lives to get on with. yet somehow, it is just so hard to break away and say, they're not a part of your life anymore. so hard to snip off that memory. that so-called, possibly non existent bond of friendship...

forgive me for rambling, but was just furiously typing all the random thoughts that were passing my head as i hear the pitter patter of the rain drops. the rain has a way of taking me to moods i seldom like to be in.