Awakened from the dream

the other evening i think i found out smth. smth quite devastating for me. i'm not yet completely sure of it all. but the possibility jolts me back to reality. it was a casual chat with friends when i found out Joe was prolly seeing someone. *baaaawl*. i always had my doubts. had confronted him a few times about it. and he'd totally denied it. but i think, this time i saw an admission, some kind of a confession. surprisingly, the revelation dint hit me so hard when i first found out. i could still sit thru an hour or so of chatting with 'em all, including Joe! after that i slowly headed back to my room and then, may be the silence, may be the thinking .. it finally struck me. he has moved on. that, assuming he was ever in that place! it was heart breaking. i wanted to cry, but there were no tears. i couldnt believe i made this mistake again. this time i was sure it was for real. i could not possibly have misread all those signals. he did obviously send 'em all out. or was i just imagining. i want to kick myself for putting myself out there to get hurt time and again! i dont blame him, cos he dint know where i was. but he definitely sent me those signals. why joe, why are you doing this? i was just so upset the whole night. almost cried myself to sleep. i'm just very very crushed right now. why did this have to happen. just when i thought things would work out fine. just when i was imagining and dreaming of that next step. this hurts so bad. the worst is he dint even say anything for sure. and the possibility is killing me. pls tell me. tell me this aint true. tell me everything's still fine, and make this work. pls!