Great Expectations

All of us presumably have certain expectations - of our relationships, of other people, of our families and of life, in general, don't we?

my sis came up with this classic dialogue yesterday, as i moaned about my situation and nervousness. she said, only if you expect something will you be disappointed when that something doesn't happen. so if you stop expecting, you'll stop being disappointed. and when that something happens, it will take you by surprise, and you'll enjoy it more than you'd have ever imagines. sounds a little preachy, i know. but i couldn't help but wonder. she was just so right! everytime i feel heartbroken, it's mostly bcos i had expected things to happen in a certain fashion, be it my personal affairs or work related stuff. and when it doesn't work out the way i thought it should have, i feel all heartbroken and disappointed. so, may be if i stop expecting in the first place i wont be as miserable. hmm..

the other aspect of Great Expectations i was thinking about is the loads of expectations i've been made to ride on. all throughout my life. most of the expectations with respect my personal life are by my mom and her family. things like, it is expected of me to be thin, smart and respectful. so someday they can marry me off into a typical perfect family of their dreams. but these don't affect me so much. considering i never really cared so much about these things.

but what does affect is the mountain loads of expectations daddy has of me. that i'm this success machine, which can just about never fail. and everytime i do fail, i feel like i owe him. like i have wronged him in someway. the guilt is just too much to handle. i've tried talking to him about this a couple of times. but he just doesn't get it. it just gets worse. my high school results release day to last year's annual competition to this evening's disappointment in the voice. i can just hear the disapproving, how could you not win tone. the stress only worsens. if only he understood how exactly i felt about it!

why do we have to expect things from others? why do we expect that our children will live our dreams? why do we expect that things will always go the way we want them to? is it bcos we're all self obsessed people? is it bcos we lead lives of such unfulfilment? or is it just bcos we're plain human, and it is just second to human nature to expect?