Antisocial?

Its been one more of those months which have just whizzed past me. January 2008.

Over the last couple of weeks I've been thinking about my social life, generally the things I do outside of work. Admittedly its a short list, and the people I meet and am affected by are surprisingly few. For someone who always had loads and loads of friends, multiple invites to different interesting events, I find this a bit odd suddenly. To have weekends to myself and nothing to do, nowhere to go makes me feel restless. And when I do have invites to go to fun interesting places, meet new people - I clam up. Just switch on some sort of an automatic antisocial mode button. Two weekends in a row, I've attended fancy parties. Both of which I made an exit before the party really took off even. One was a crowd of strangers, people I did not particularly know or like. So understandably I was not quite at ease there. But given I was having this huge craving to meet new and interesting people and move on with things, this would have been my fantastic window of opportunity. But weirdly enough about two hours of small talk and some minimal socialising (read exchange courtesies and remarks on the weather) later, I decided that was it and headed back making a losuy headache as my excuse. Yesterday's party was slightly better than that. I knew most of the crowd, so had a fairly nice time chatting away. But again, somewhere around two hours into the talking, I dont know if its the fatigue of a crazy week at work or just sheer boredom - but I had to excuse myself and get out of there. It's terrible, cos somewhere I know I used to fit into these social scenes really well earlier. May be its my non glam image or my attempts to stay sober that throws me off the party hopper scene. I see friends who are all out there - meeting new "interesting"/"eligible" people, going out late into Friday night, partying the night away and all that jazz. I miss doing all that sometimes. Miss having company to do that kind of crazy partying, miss being out there meeting new people. But then again, sometimes I wonder even whether I want to be the social butterfly anymore. Especially how easily bored and frustrated I am when I do go out and don't find people all that interesting. I probably don't (want to be the social butterfly, i.e.) Yet sitting here on a saturday night, having spent the evening with myself makes me want to fret and feel terribly antisocial. Confused? Depressed? Antisocial? I dont know. I dont have the answers.