Women's Day etc

This post a bit belated i know, but tis never too late to celebrate, so happy women's day y'all! I'm not much of a feminist really - not that I wouldn't stand up for women's rights etc but never really understood what the hullaboo is all about. But this women's day, as i think about it, i don't really feel like celebrating womanhood and all that's feminine.

Last friday, I was at the local grocery store doing some weekly shopping routine. I know weekends at this particular mall isn't a good time for a single girl to be out shopping. But given my fridge was empty and the gutsy me, I decided I'd go and buy my stuff. After all, this is a safe country and the mall is a huge public shopping area and all that. And I was right, to the extent that nothing terrible happened. I was there shopping and doing my thing as it were, quite oblivious to everything and everyone around me. When it came to queueing up at the cashier's point was when i looked up. and choked. there I was standing with what felt like a million of these unbelievably cheap and creepy men. all staring. right into me. as if they saw through me! disgusting i tell you. i've never felt so disgusted. and overwhelmed.

I've been in a relatively safe country for a long time now, and never feel threatened just cos i'm a girl. the times i do feel a little uncomfortable are my visits to certain dingy areas downtown, but i make sure i drag a couple of my guy friends so i dont feel so overwhelmed by guys staring and pushing you around unncessarily. but last friday, i was right here in the local mall, all alone, feeling choked. i quickly just looked down, paid my bill and just rushed straight back. feeling dirty. disgusted and so mad. never have i felt that angry. so angry i could cry. if looks kill kill, all of them, mind you, all of them would be burning in hell today. but despite all the rage, there i was a helpless young girl, walking away as fast as i can not letting those tears well up and flow.

why, oh why do these people have to be so disgusting? why the lecherous stares and the cringe-inducing noises? why why why?

I've got a ton of guy friends i hang out with, classmates and neighborhood boys too. and it scares me to think that these guys could behave like that with some other girl, given that kind of circumstances. what ever happens to the innocent boys? why does testosterone screw them up so much?! why on earth can't we women just be able to walk around safely, doing our own thing? why cant these males just mind their own bloody business?

the worst part is really how most of us are relegated to writing about it in online anonymity or in our secret personal diaries with all these stories untold and making no impact to anyone really. definitely not teaching any of those stalkers and rapists any lesson. for those who do decide to voice out the injustice that's been done to them, the society damns them and condemns them saying it's just all their fault. or comes up with solutions like marrying off the victim to the rapist. worse still, i've heard people justify rape saying, oh she was dressed so skimpily. she just asked for it. what the .... ?!

this women's day i wonder how many of the abused women have actually come out and told the world what happened to them? how many of those bastards actually got punished? and when i looked up the numbers, its a disheartening thought. and i don't feel so "yay! i'm a woman, happy women's day y'all" kinda feeling. i feel highly upset and angry. more than anything, i feel absolutely pathetic to think there's hardly anything i could do to change this. really.